So..I’ve spent 2 months of my life in Maltby. And now I’m back..for 2 months.
Back in my town, well at least in the city where I’ve spent 90% of my life. Cause Vienna isn’t the place I would call ‘Home’. Anyway I don’t know where home really is anyway?
But my parents and my friends live here, I’ve finished school and studied fashion design here in Vienna. And I’ve made many many mistakes and had a few nice experiences here too.
It really seems like this is all there ever was..all that’s going to be. It just doesn’t feels right.
4 months ago I decided to go away for 1 years - 12 months away from Vienna - It really felt like the best thing that could be. Just leave and spend one year in North Yorkshire. In Maltby, with a family I didn’t know, taking care of children - as an au pair.
Well I was wrong, of course it wasn’t the right thing for me.
But everything besides - living with strangers and always feeling awkward being part of a family that wasn’t mine - felt great. It was great to know that I dared, I was in England - where I always wanted to be, even speaking English day after day gave me pleasure. It was a big adventure traveling to cities-I’ve never been to before-for the first but sometimes also for the last time. When am I going to Doncaster ever again?
Every weekend I discovered new things, new places, saw new faces and learned from a different culture. I have to admit-I can’t feel lonely and sad when I’m traveling. It’s the times when I was with the family that I felt lonely.
I made a scrap book-where I glued everything from train tickets to food packages-and still I receive all those newsletters from Boots and New Look and whatever. I sometimes really hurts-how is it possible to grow used to a place I’ve only been to such a short time?
When I close my eyes I can walk through Sheffield or Leeds-I’m glad I took my time when I was there-to discover the area. Why does it feel like I was more alive-more living in the present-than I am now?